I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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