Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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