Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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