The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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