I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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