put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
