you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
