I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
