What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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