If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I am one with the molecules
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
