Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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