I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Let's get the cat blown out
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
