Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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