I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
