you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
