I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
