im gay
i know
yea but for you.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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