guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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