Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
