YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Randomize
