Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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