All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
