I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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