So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I need to calm my uterus...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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