i permit you to call me
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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