did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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