i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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