hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
honey bunches of taint.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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