just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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