I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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