new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He told me they were just razor bumps!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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