physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
