I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
