Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
