She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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