A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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