is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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