watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
