u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
