I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
