There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
