I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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