I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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