Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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