I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
