We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
