I was born with a shot glass in my hand
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
