well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
