can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
