my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
