Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
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