I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
