oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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