I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I was not drunk enough for that final.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
